Invisible, Silent Words Sneak by With the Movements of an Inchworm

I used to tell my girlfriend that I loved her, and she wouldn't really say much. Then after a while, and probably after I mentioned that she never said anything, she started saying, "I love you too" in a very muffled and forced way. I heard recently that Kurt Vonnegut wrote in Cat's Cradle that saying "I love you." is like holding a gun to someone's head, because all they can do is reply, "I love you too." I don't feel like I want to tell her that I love her again, for some time. I just worry she doesn't really like me anymore. I told her my secret that was bothering me, and she doesn't really seem to want to talk about it. She doesn't seem to want to talk to me at all. I don't know what to do about anything. Before she got together with me, she was going out all the time and never spent any time with her family. Now she wants to spend all her time with her family. I feel really left out. Some of them really don't like me, others I feel very pressured to try to talk with, even though, I'm not very interested. They talk about people I don't know a lot of the time, and they talk constantly about their annoying dog. And so whenever I try to avoid these family get-togethers Lizzie gets really pissed with me. I feel like I never get a lot of meaningful time with her. Like right now, I was in the livingroom, and she walked right by and when right in to her family without saying hi, even. I kind of feel miserable, and I don't know what to do to fix it.

2nd Place, Time, and Empty Living

I got second place in a fiction writing contest... Who the fuck beat me? How!? Why!? I need to read what defeated me! I need to understand it. I need to devour it. It has swallowed me, to be sure, but I will claw my way up it's stomach and throat, straight up the nose and carve out its fucking brain. My life is a comfortable depression. I am on a cushion. I have been all my life. Even in a pinch of poverty in my young years, I never had to really swim in cream and churn it into butter. Yeah... Pathetic movie reference. How can a person grow if they don't have to struggle to survive? Is that what I need? My life is swallowed up by studying Japanese, math and clay. I've been throwing 20 pounds of clay on the wheel. Each time, to utter disaster. They tell me I need to start small and then go larger... Fuck it, I never listen. I have made some huge wobbling structures. I want to press against the impossible, and I want to win. It's all I ever want. There is something wrong with my mind. I can't talk to people. I can't do it anymore. I can't think of anything to say. I am mute and pale, and soon alone from it. Am I getting anywhere with this? Will the clay go where I want, or will I look back in thirty years to nothing but failure? Will it warp in my hands? Will it be courted by a kiss or glare?

-Dan

They Want to Feast Upon My Broken-Opened Pate

Head cheese, lies, and pox upon me. My girlfriend seems to be on the verve of breaking up with me, and my nerves are frayed to the fucking swollen and exposed dime-thin dentrites. But, more importantly, how are you doing? I want to find some hobby or activity that I could just drown myself in... I got an update on a few people... lots of speculation. Hope the G-man is doing okay. It's okay, I am a likable guy... right? I won't become a lonely tear stained brick-and-morter outhouse in the middle of a drab Montana plainscape, right? I need sleep.

Fish Testicles

Greeks thought of beards as a sign of maturity and strength, the Byzantines, perhaps thought the same. Knowledge is power. Therefore the beard is knowledge. I let my beard handle my financial affairs. I am broke. I shaved recently.

Things are going deadly. Hearts have been irrepairably torn from my torso. A dream has crashed like the Hindenberg... I could go mad, but I shant allow it. Though I have no reason to live, I continue to breath. All is darkness. Nate G. please update your blog, I am bored.

-Dan

Beasts Make Love With Salted Koi

After alienating everyone around me, I continue to draw blood. Just when you thought we couldn't get any more depraved and hopeless that miracle happens and we drop another previously unimaginable level. That's right, I am starting an international film club at the yokel community college. I am halfway to my required amount of signatures, so beware. It might happen. I will develop a list of movies that I want to play, and would appreciate any recommendations from my many readers. Here is a preliminary list:

Happy Times, Old Boy, Y Tu Mama Tambien, Behind the Sun, Yojimbo or Seven Samurai, The Saddest Music in the World, The Jesus of Montreal, Amores Perros, Shawn of the Dead, In the Mood for Love, The Price of Milk, "Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter and Spring" and Talk to Her.

Bringing foreign cinema to the anti-foreign cinema crowd seems a danting task, but I have it well underwraps. Hmm... I didn't really post anything too vile and stupid this time... I might just have to post a second time today... But that would require... An effort to be made.... Uuuuuuugh.

-Dan

The Sour Mesh of Loveless Double-Dipping

I have a dark secret. It rips through everything. I dare not speak it, least someone actually read this ridiculous monkey-biting blog. Rest assured however that it is rather poetic. Many of you have read my blog and have come to follow me as a sort of soft-spoken, tender-hearted, puritan messiah, and that is fine. I've grown to slowly accept this. However, I must ask that the ladies refrain from sending me undergarments in the mail... Gents as well... Encase there are a few pranksters amongst you. I never dreamt of becoming an important influence in the blogosphere, but here I am. I must accept my crown, despite its incredible weight and burden. Perhaps some laurels.

I'm still trying to get over the fact that people are fickle and imperfect beings. They are moody and randomly violent and boorish. Some are even rumored to have bad teeth. Will we ever live up to our high ideals? On a brighter note, I think I am going to lose my fucking mind. I haven't had an orgasm in nearly three weeks. I've been watching pornography in vein... Just sitting there aghast at the bare bouncing breasts, soft lips pierced by cocks, and I can do nothing. I sigh a bitter sound that makes camels depressed and sends then into a pseudo-agoraphobic panic. They should stay away, I am so desperate I might hump a hump. How can a man have so little self-respect? No, not about the camel. How could a man post such sensitive and personally embarrassing information about himself on his incredibly popular webblog that no one reads? Why doesn't this person just jerk off? Would he prefer his camel with one hump or two? You're curious... That makes me horny, but so does brushing my teeth.

To any woman who would undress and make soft love to me, the kind with flowing and draping positions and movements, please send me a postcard with your photograph glued to the front--a well lit photo, not a dark, altered, blurry mugshot you would find on myspace. Also staple on a resume with work experience... if you know what I mean, and references--at least three. All inquiries will be hired, with no pay, regardless of personal appearance, sexual orientation, or lack of qualifications. Unfortunately, as I am in deepcover, I can not at this time provide a mailing address... But, let me put it straight--If you find me, you can fuck me, and my camels. In the meantime, I'll be watching hentai porn, where young lads fuck mother figures, usually collecting milk from their tremendously large mammaries, without any orgasmic satisfaction unto myself. God Bless!

-Dan

Web 2.0 shoots Web 1.0 in a Moment of Unrequited Lust

Yes, I have crawled up and through the festering rectum of Beezelbub, to inundate you once more with my dull cacophony of silent static web text. I pierce the bung and break free from the anal gravity of the all-mighty Satan. My detractors are pursing their vile lips into smiles as they witness my latest transformation. I have gone from being a vegetarian who refused to eat animals, for moral reasons to a man that could kill a dog with his bare hands. I have lately, I admit, daydreamed of killing my girlfriend's dog. I've run a wooden stake through its throat, thrust a red-with-heat sword into its body, hung it by a noose, held it up in my hands strangling it, beat it to death with a bat, split its hollow skull with a maul, threw a stick over an icy lake, causing the dog to run out onto the ice, only to break the ice, fall into the freezing waters and drown. I like to think I am a nice guy.

I have been trying to expose myself to new music. I think I have been doing okay at this. I've been breaking onto the indy music scene, trying to soak it up. Getting into these bands: Arctic Monkeys, Arcade Fire, Animal Collective, Saul Williams, The Boy Least Likely To. That is just the tip, of course. I will have 2046 on DVD tomorrow. I've been dying to see that movie. In the Mood For Love kicked my ass, and I can't wait to see this quasi-sequel. I would have loved to have seen it at the Rag Tag Cinemacafe in Columbia, MO, but it wasn't to be. I will have to settle for it on DVD. I think I will be able to cope.

Been getting into Web 2.0, whatever that is. Seems cool, whatever it is. de.li.cious is pretty useful, if that is infact considered part of Web 2.0, whatever that is. Get into social bookmarks, find people that are interested in similar things, and then read what they have been reading. It's nifty. Puts google and the search engines on their ass a bit, though they are still useful.

Please love me. If you do, maybe I will change my blog from a bitchy whiny blog, into a cool, useful information blog... HAHAHA! You wish monkey! Die!

-Dan